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I received 2907 cheers. The audience (35 people) gave me 180 seconds of extra time.

Some of you know, a bit of the slice of pie, I’ve been dealt, most of you don’t.  I’ve put off the finishing of “RoadMap” for just a bit, as life has thrown me down the stairs  for a bit of a tumble and DAMN that really pushed everything I wanted to accomplish, back a bit.  I will never say I’m cursed, but sometimes…I’d like to feel sorry for myself, but who has time for that!!!  Meanwhile My guitar has been kinda collecting dust, so has the canvas, and the brushes are dried out.  Having had a bit of a fever for the past few weeks, nothing serious, Fibromyalgia…a silent and invisible ghost, seems to have gripped me in it’s hands. Thought I had a flu, but I wasn’t sick. I just hurt like HELL.  This is often brought on by stress, and I think..WHAT STRESS??????? Well, it doesn’t necessarily have to be Negative stress, it’s just a change in surroundings, excessive worry, trying too hard, pushing too hard, riding the whirlwind of random spins of bipolar-Mania, some pretty deep depressions, etc…. It’s not something I care to talk about with just anyone, there are a few…that have an idea of what this is all about.  Some of you deal with these things too, and it’s truly a hard struggle to get through, but it does pass. The fever broke last night, and I was ELATED at how good I suddenly felt.  Fibro can cause some major depression, one…because it HURTS to be touched, it hurts to touch anything also, my whole body feels like it’s on fire, yet I just can’t get warm enough. I couldn’t sleep, focus, or do anything that I wanted to do…just kind of lost interest.

But…I think I’m back on track again….and the strange thing is…I feel empty. Like I can’t create what I want to create. My hands feel the invisible, ghostly need to hold onto something and create something amazing…but I don’t know what it is. It has not presented itself, or maybe I’m looking too hard.  I was fortunate to be given a song, by the great Web of Life that falls from time to time, on my mind. It’s called “Hangin’ for the Ride’..it just might be the perfect closing song for RoadMap…Since the cd will be about 15 yrs worth of songwriting, stories and more.
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I’ve been crazy full of nonsense ideas, but of course those often turn into not so nonsense ideas…and then the break in the dam, just kind of happens.  The other day, I pulled out one of my WAY too many Books. I have a thing, for empty books, especially ones with amazing textured papers in them, where I can press that black ink down and doodle out the mental waves of my own insanity.

A friend once told me, “in order to help you focus, just draw out a word tree, start with one word, and write down what it reminds you of and etc…etc…” and in my mind, it was a HELL of a tree, and if you look really close at the branches of a tree, in mid winter, it’s like a giant RoadMap, the trunk, the branches, the smaller branches, the buds, the leaves, the texture of it all…the MANY ways you can sprout off in life.  There is always the Main Root, the Trunk, the Main Path….and then there are the other paths, and sometimes different things grow, on those other path’s.

palms of hands, viens in leaves, branches of trees, Roadmaps

SOOOOOOoooo, I’m drawing and words are flying through my head. Sketching words and pictures as fast as I can, smiling ear to ear to think of how funny it is, that I’ve been in a dry patch MAJOR for the past few months, and then I think, Nooooooo. I’ve been creating other things, like the Spine of this new CD.  I’ve so far, decided on about 20plus songs for this new cd. My Goal was to have 35, but that’s not necessarily necessary (haaa)… I don’t have to have a certain number of songs, I just have to make my point…that could be done in 3 songs.., or 7 or 40…it wouldn’t matter. What does matter, is the Theme, the Outcome.

In 1994, I ended a long term relationship I was in. I made a pact with my soul and my life…to follow my instinct, to do what is right, and to live a life that would only be, my music and I.  But life had other plans, and introduced me to my soulmate…I  became immersed in raising 4 awesome kids, and pretty much putting music on the backburner for about a decade.  When I finally picked up my guitar again, for the 2nd phase of my life, I had been introduced to Second Life ™ and once again, began the Pathway of music.  Much has happened during that time. Much has changed me since then too. Many challenges have crossed my Path and so many wonderful souls, have touched my life.

Now, here we are, going into the final countdown of 2009, the Holidays..the holidays..the HOLIDAYS (can’t wait til it’s all done!!!) and I’m faced with  a direction to take this CD.  Yeah I KNOW I said it would be ready by Mid November, but I’m learning that I can’t decide these things, IT Decides these things. Just like the SONG dictates itself, sometimes so do our choices…they all lead to a certain destination, we’ve learned this.  There are papers all over my studio floor, sketched with little drawings, confessions, stick people, words, ideas. There is a microphone waiting patiently for a new song, and it will always be patient. I’m the one who often loses Patience, heh!  It will finish itself soon, and your patience, is wonderful. Thanks for tuning into the shows, for showing up, for presenting yourselves, your stories, your confessions, your lives…with me, For you have all been an inspiration to the making of this CD as well.

Have a wonderful holiday season, and keep coming back…the C D is nearly finished, hitting the final phases of the backbone, the spine, and soon the body will form and it will be in your mailboxes, or itunes, or amazon…waiting for you to listen to it’s stories. Peace!

-Suzen JueL

After writing a bit yesterday, in the breaks of a long dry spell….lyrically, not much is happening, but I’m certainly not at a loss for words.  It kinda hit me out of nowhere. ‘Roadmap’.  RoadMap, is actually an old song, I wrote at a Crossroads in my life, one of those inevitable times of change, many years ago.  The song is about Acceptance, it’s about Inner Peace, it’s about letting the distractions of the world, out…so they no longer inhibit you, so you can do, what it is you are supposed to do, in this world, with your life.  I’ve been holding onto this song a lot lately, and it seems to have presented itself over and over in my life, either by the requests of another, who has heard it once (it’s not a song I did very often) or by a new listener, who asks “Will that be on a Cd?”…ok, yep…In fact, that’s what I’ve decided to Call the CD, or should I say, it’s what it seems to have SCREAMED at me…’SUZEN THIS IS YOUR TITLE!’, poof. Done.   The rest should fall right into place now.

I’ve decided that this is going to be quite a ‘history’ of a Cd, with a scale of about 15-20 years worth of songs, that have been dug out of my old song books, old memories, histories, stories, photographs, remembering, forgetting…  I’m not quite where I want to be, in the ‘book phase’ of my life, meaning….I want to write, and I will and I do, but it comes out in song, that’s how it presents itself most of the time, a few verses and there is the whole story, right there….WELL COME ON! So, I guess you can say, this CD is like a book, but with lyrics and poetry, not 400 pages or more of print. Each song is a place, each song has a face, a personality, a history, a memory, a need, a want, a picture, a voice. Each song has a story of a memory, a dream, an experience…and on occasion, the inspiration of another persons story, someone’s inspiration, someones persepctive, or a combination of thought, carried out thru the spirits that cross our paths, in life, our kindred spirits, brothers, sisters…family without the trace of family.

If that makes any sense to you, you are just as NUTS as I am…thankfully!  Back to the grind now….Roadmap, is closer to being finished than ever before.  I look forward to hearing your feedback on it, once it’s released. Much love to you all, much peace, and either I”ll see you in the Virtual, or the Real, either way…say hi

-Suzen JueL (Resistance)

Etched upon my Living Soul