I want to give a shout out to Kevin of TheStage.tv for the Press Release which came out today!  New Spotlight Feature PR . I was informed today that I was in the Press Release, which features the new Spot Light Player….

First video player that gives emerging original artists a simple way to engage fans through donations, online music sales and social media exposure…Use that link to read the full article. And to feature and try out their New Player, you’ll see me there!!!

As well as a few other musicians from TheStage.tv …. You can read the article when you have time, and find out more about how the Open MiC style website is  making a rather noteworthy Splash in the music scene.

In other news……I have finally put Ava to sleep, on June 3rd. We were fortunate enough to have a vet. that could come to our house….it was just Ava and i outside in the grass, where she favored being more than anything – besides the garden of course….could never keep her away from.  She passed away very quickly and very peacefully in the grass, head on my lap…watching birds while I sang ‘Ava jean, she’s my queen….’ she was gone.     3 days later, my grand daughter celebrated her First Birthday and my husband and I celebrated our 13th Anniversary, and Luci delivered 5 Kittens at 8:30 that evening.  June 6th is turning out to be one LuCky DaY!  Sad we lost Ava, and grateful for such a sweet series of events to follow.  5 days after Luci delivered, one of them didn’t make it…I called him #5, I believe he was the runt…… But the other 4 are doing quite well and sometimes get so fat from Mama LuCi’s great milk they can hardly move sometimes.

When You Get some time, please check out TheStage.TV and pass around the Press Release…good Karma and suCh!   Some of the things that are coming up in the near future is a collaboration for a book with Author Jane Devin on an upcoming book called “Elephant GirL” you can read some of the pre publishing reviews on her page. We’re both excited about this project, and I am truly honored that she asked me to do it…. This among another few platefuls of projects and things I need to finish, however writing songs and performing are things I am happy to spend my time on…many times it paves a beautiful path of experience, leading into even more spectacular dimensions….always excited to view peeks of the next things life may place or even hurdle in front of me….I just gotta keep my balance and I’ll be fine!!!

The Kittens are 9 days old today….I have posted an ongoing photo series of them on my flickr photo page warning, it is a bit of a CUTE OVERLOAD…I’m grateful LuCi lets me sneak in little photos of her Crew….

CD in process….new songs have been added almost weekly. This is a unique time for me and quite a load of lyrics have been waiting in piles and memory clips, moments and solitude have left their snapshots of words and I’ve been writing quite a bit….my main focus these next few days is to finish with some ideas of titles and CD art, and prepare the 2  Hour OriginaL OnLy set I will be doing at MendoBerri on June 25th…(hope you can come!!)  … Also a friend of mine Jazzy J of TwinCitiesRadio.net passed away on June 3rd….there will be a memorial for him tomorrow that I will likely be attending with friend/musician MJ Kroll who was especially close with Jazzy. He will be remembered for all his passion, love and outpouring of support for the Local Music scene as well as his role in Second Life Music as well!   ………………………………….. More to come…thanks for keeping up with my Slow Pace  - Suzen JueL

So the time has come. I knew this was going to be difficult and gave it many months of processing time in my head. Ava has been with us for almost 14 years. I’ve never been one to really mark down the birthdays of  my pets, most times I’m not exactly sure of it anyway…I don’t think I ask in most cases.  But many years ago, my 2nd oldest Josh, and I, went to  pick up a puppy. I believe Josh was 10 years old, which would make it close to 13-14 years ago.  There were two beautiful little girl Wieneramers, with a silvery sheen of fur that seemed to just blend in with the sand. Her eyes were bright green and she was very friendly, lively, vocal. Her sister was very cautious and also quite bloated….so we chose Ava, of course her name wasn’t Ava at that time, that came a bit later.

Adorable and loyal, dedicated and smart. An all around clever dog. She went on long runs with my husband, played with great affection for everyone. Usually outsmarted US on most occasions, learned quickly to sit, stay, come…what no means…never learned to quit begging though, she knew those Brilliant Green eyes would win us over every time.

When we moved into our home….in 2002, Ava explored her much larger space, ran through the woods with me, while I went to pick blackberries in the grove buried far back in the woods, she chased rabbits, sniffed the tracks of the red fox, the deer, turkey vultures and other critters that roam the forests near our home. Walked with giant prances and happy leaps every morning and afternoon with me…picked the carrots from our garden and circled around the yard with it like a trophy…she had to do this for at least 20 min before she actually ate it, and that in itself was just pure comedy.

The memories are just a pure flood for me, but

writing this is part of a healing process…not to mention some closure, for myself and perhaps also for all those who loved her in her long and crazy lifetime. I thought she’d live forever.  This, will be the first time that I’ll have to put a  very very loved pet, who has become a BiG part of our family, to sleep.  In these past few years…after having greeted all the kids, their friends, our family members, other pets, children, babies, strangers…..she has become old. Tumors and cysts, arthritis and recently has lost her hearing, and her appetite.  She has great difficulty going up and down the stairs, often fearing the fall. It’s almost daily now that she loses her footing half way up or down…she just sits there for a moment, then continues.  She still stands on the top of the stairs with her silly grin making her happy groans, every time any one of us, walks through the door, always eager to greet us, always completely satisfied once she gets a good rub on the head or sometimes a treat.  She’s never let anyone sleep alone, n ever cried and howled … even in her worst pain. Has survived a life threatening ‘BLOAT’ attack and after a 1500$ surgery, was pretty much back to her old self…..but a few years after her surgery, she started to slow down….and the masses of growth, started out as little lumps that grew into her side, effecting almost every thing she does, now…..it’s a struggle for her to breathe sometmes…..it’s just time. Sadly, it’s time.

So we always hope….maybe one day she’ll just be better, maybe she won’t hurt..maybe we should let her have her last summer….is it really Time???? REALLY????  That was our plan, to let her have her last summer, but the pain this is causing her, is starting to become a bit more obvious. She’s happy in the sun, in the grass, at my feet as I linger outside in the garden, sitting in the shade reading, she is right there…..But then she has to get up, and move and go up and down those stairs again…..and it pains her, I can see this just starting to overshadow her Joy in life.   I called the vet last week and talked it over….I went through Months of ‘thinking it over’….I have to prepare myself, I can’t just up and go like that…it’s a process, one that takes much thought, much consideration and No Selfishness….it’s not right to keep a pet in pain just because you’re not ready.  She has a few good days left in her….and within the week she will be gone, and there will be a sense of relief, for I have gone thru every single step of this over and over….and like my dad told me, when I was younger… “Sometimes the Right thing to do, is often the most difficult’  words I know are true, words I’ve assured myself with, many times in life. Once again, I know this.

And as she goes….I have visualzed

myself standing next to her, singing a song I’ve been singing to her since she was a puppy….. “Ava Jean, she’s my Queen, and she’s never ever mean” and she wags her tail….closes her eyes with her silly little grin….belly up to the sun and happy as she can be.

Now I’m used to Juju running around the house, searching for the hairbrush we hide, just cuz she loves to find it and run off with it….then she drinks a bit of soy milk and sometimes shares my coffee, if there is cream in it….then she’s off to find things to get into, curious creatures that they are.

When I was in 5th grade, my family moved from Upper Michigan where I attended a public school, to Wisconsin, where I was then placed into a Catholic School. This was especially difficult, considering it was half way thru my 5th grade year and it was quite a challenge to fit in and make friends. I remember clearly making a choice, not to fit in, but just to be who I was…this of course was not so acceptable by some of my classmates, considering I was new and quite small compared to everyone else, I was the perfect target for their insecurities etc….so of course, I got teased quite a bit.  -ENTER-Father Mike-….who was my confidant, the one person I could go to with Anything at Anytime. He was in many ways…my best friend.  My family was also very close to Father Mike as he was so warm hearted and personable…I don’t know who would have ever NOT liked him.

Of course once I finished 5th -8th grade, it was time for high school, and my talks with Father Mike were over and life went on, as any teenager will tell you, we move on to other things, new things, and a PUBLIC school. This wasn’t easier at all, but it was certainly better than the catholic school I had previously attended. I loved the freedom of being able to wear what I wanted to wear, but the bitterness of some of my former classmates, seemed to follow me straight thru my freshman  year. No big deal…people get insecure and need someone or something to take it out on, apparently it was me…..but I wasn’t that unique…most of these people picked on everyone…they were just scared that they weren’t getting enough attention, so this was a good way for them to get noticed….pick on someone. haaaa .. well life goes on and thankfully those years went by quick and I graduated and moved on in my life, making sure I stayed true to myself in all the possible ways I could. I found much peace in my writing, or my music…that has always been my savior thru my whole life, and still is.

In about 1992….I had hit some pretty hard times in my life. In fact I would say I was all but broken in half. My Soul was tired, my heart was in some serious thrashes of right and wrong and u p and down. I was living in Minneapolis and I remember sitting on the hardwood floor of my apartment, and I just HAD TO WRITE it out…there was SO much crap inside of me, that I had to let it out to someone. I started to write:

Dear Father Mike,

It’s me….

and the letter went on. I hadn’t spoken to Father Mike since I entered 9th grade.  Of course I would see him at Church gatherings with my family and we talked in passing.  But this letter was just one of those letters, that had to be written, and I knew one person, I could tell ANYTHING to and Never be judged. I wrote it…I probably wrote 6 pages of pain. I just wanted someone to listen, I guess.  I never heard a reply from Father Mike…and despite all the things I’ve forgotten over the years, and experiences I’ve had since that letter, I never forgot it and I always wondered if he received it.

My mom called me the other day, telling me how her good friend (who was Father Mikes right hand soulmate) was going thru his things, and came upon a letter, tucked away in a shoe box with other things that he had obviously had for a long time. She read the first line and then looked at the last page, to see who had written it…..then she called my mom….

How Ironic. This just has not left my mind. I’m stunned that he had this kept away in a shoe box. I”m amazed that after almost 20 years, this letter, that I never forgot about…as my mom says “Well Sooz, while she was going thru Father Mikes stuff, she found a letter….’  That was ALL my mom had to say. I said “WOW!!!! i only wrote to Father Mike once. I never wrote again. That letter was so full of everything that was inside me, that I would go to my grave knowing full well what I wrote and always wondering who had that letter, did he get it? Who did? …..  It’s almost magical to me, that out of ALL the people in this world that knew Father Mike….the person closest to my mother, was the one that found it…it comes right back to me.  Ironic….

Last night I grieved him. It just really hit me, what a loss it is, for such a wonderful man to die so young (he was 66) and gave SO much to everyone and took on SO many other peoples burdens that it just tore him down.  Sometimes I think when people take on the pain and issues of so many people, that they actually store it inside them…therefore the person who confesses, or discusses, or gets healed….their pain has to go somewhere….I believe Father Mike was a gift for so many…and there were more letters, from some others that were there….I’m certain he prayed for them all. I’m certain that because of the power of prayer, my life picked up instead of down…and well, that’s the way things go…life gives, life takes.

So R.I.P. dear Father Mike ….you have given me a gift that I am unable to express in such limited words.