I was thinking…well, more like dreading Halloween, it’s really not one of my favorite times of the year and I’m just not into sitting at my front door for 4 hours and handing out candy, to kids who just say ‘trick or treat’…the last time I participated in such festivities, I found myself demanding the kids to DO SOMETHING, and to my surprise, they sang, or danced, or told little kid jokes….but on the other side of things…I was thinking…what are some of the scariest, or most bizarre, disturbing situations you’ve ever experienced…or more like, have I?  The kind of scary where your heart turns to ice and starts shaking rapidly in your chest. THe kind of fear that makes you break out in a cold sweat and almost feel as if you are frozen, like someone just put you on pause.

As a child, I do remember feeling instant fear, whenever my mother would ask me to go into the basement, to get a jar of pickles, or green beans. We had an old school house that was made into a home…thanks to my grandpa and his handy skills…between he and my dad, we had a pretty cool pad. The kitchen, had a door, that led out into a closed in patio…full with giant cubby hole, a slight inner deck with a half wall around it. Then the stairs…cement stairs, several of them down, before you turned left and walked a ways to the front door of the house…or, to the basement….about 12 more cement steps down to an old french glass door with a big gloomily dull knob.  I could feel my stomach feeling like someone just tossed ice inside me, and I would instantly have the urge to have to go to the barthroom, because my stomach was nervous and swirling like a squeeky rat on a wheel, running fast and going nowhere. I put my hand on the knob, turned it…breathing shallow now…and then, count 5 steps in complete blackness, hand extended, to find the string, to pull the string, so I could have light.  By now I’m a mess, I can hardly stand it, I grab the pickles and run like a kitten from the giant dog…(that’s very fast by the way)…and that’s it…that was plenty adventure for me in one day.  Other things scared me a child…real things, like death, and seeing people, that were dead…that freaked me out. I saw it once…I don’t think I’ll be all too excited to see another…I hope everyone gets cremated, that way I’ll never have to look at what was once a beautiful animated being….suddenly inanimate, lifeless. What is the point? They’re already gone. Read more

In all my years as a Musician, from pulling in a great income, to falling apart at the seams of my guitar strings…I’m beginning to see, at the point I am in my life…that the Virtual Gigs are a BONUS as far as earning at least half of what you’re worth, if that. However, at the point I’m at in my physical world, the one that surrounds my back yard, alleys and local flavors, I am again…..working on my new Emerging from the ashes of taking over a decade off…..to raise a family…so to say.

So in the past few weeks, I’ve done several local, live shows…in St. Paul and Minneapolis, for virtually nothing.  I’ve cancelled Virtual Online shows, in order to take the exposure to the local scene. I’ve been paid a total of $17.00. Yeah…for over 3 hours of performing!!! Maybe because I’m ‘again…new’….perhaps because I am solo, and no longer use a band (too much of a pain in the ass, to worry about anyone, other than myself)….So in my Studio, I sit in my Pajamas, guitar in hand, a cold drink on my desk…perhaps a burning cigarette (if it’s autumn)…and a Muse that tends to never sleep for days, or sleep for too many days, leaving me feeling useless, when I can’t produce new images, be it Paint or Lyrical Grooves…… Read more

I was a nervous wreck, the few days before hitting the stage at Wild Tymes . This Bar is MADE for live music…the tables and chairs are facing the stage, in nice little scattered corners, big comfy booths and a Wild Outside Cafe, right in downtown St. Paul!  . . . I started my drive to St. Paul early, because after 3 years of chatting with Tom, from the Whiskey Sournotes it was high time I met the man! So I finally got there…for those that know me, I have a CRAPPY Sense of direction, and Tom ended up meeting me at a gas station a few blocks away, since for some reason…my google maps was off…or I was… We sat in his apartment, in wooden chairs, across from each other with the perfect table, sharing some beers…our guitars in our hands…Tom is a Crooner…the kind of music, that no matter how the world might look to you or how down our lives can get….it’s instant happiness .. like christmas in a can, like Frank Sinatra sitting at the table…..it was incredible.  After a few hours….we got in our cars and I followed him to WILD TYMES and we had enough time for a quick bite…..Wild Tymes has a sandwhich with chicken and cucumber with this absolutely to DIE for dressing on it..with sage in it and feta cheese…WOW my mouth was dancing!!!   He introduced me to some other musicians…one who had a sweet cane that he used to walk with…..of course, my BATON twirling years (don’t laugh) came rushing back and I quickly found out after a half a dozen twirls…that it just wasn’t like it was, when I was 8….the cane went flying and as I picked it up, I hear a quiet applause from another table. I’m thinking ‘Ooo cocky eh?’ .. and as I turned to look….16 years came at me like a freight train as two room mates of mine from the past…sat there, looking Fantastic!!! I think I hugged them for half a moon….Eli and JoeL. Eli left for New York to pursue his acting many years ago, we said our goodbyes and his former room mate and I shared his old place, for a bit…they have not changed much over the years, Eli now an Instructor for Theatre …WOW!!! Both of them happily married with beautiful families….My head was spinning!!! Read more

Artist GirL

Ya know…I Never understood it, but when Autumn nears, my sensory world escalates to what some would call an acid trip. Everything is brighter and bolder, the wind doesn’t just blow, it actually whispers things…birds don’t Just Fly, they’re preparing for the transition just like most everyone, in some way is.  It’s CRAZY that a large number of people I know, have all gone thru the ‘seasons change’…those with mood disorders are certainly more prone to this, than anyone else I know. I know 4 people, that all in the same 2 week period, that all went back into some rare habit…my ‘recovering’ friends…most have relapsed…and most, do it ABout This Time of the year…..those who quit smoking, start again, for a brief encounter…Hoping it passes SOON for them all…including my own personal struggles with this time of year.

It’s Euphoric when the sun shines at a different angle and the wind blows from a different direction. Everything feels like a beautiful sunburn on the world…the colors get deep and brilliant on the trees, the reds and golds are so astounding, the light scent of earths decay blows thru the screen windows…and no matter HOW many times I’ve seen seasons change, fall Always has the Strongest Impact on my senses!!! My paint brush finds it’s own way to stroke the paper, words find odd places inside phrases running through my head, I’m more accident prone, I’m more distracted, and I’m far more aware of it all, then any other time of the year.

I used to run a support group, many years ago, for those that have been touched with Bipolar, because of the Wicked Beautiful way it works. I remember Every Spring and Every Fall, the massive and obvious changes that took place. Creative souls  are blessed with many gifts, however, the cost of those gifts is steep and the moods that ‘can’ accompany them are sometimes frightening for those who lack the Knowledge of how it all works…it’s different for everyone. To this day I am astounded at the ignorance that surrounds such a ‘disorder’ as some call it…to most of us, it’s a perfect order of thought that gets seriously paved into paper, to words, to music….it’s one of the most glorious things..it’s Built in Therapy! God Knows when our minds are on a journey to do nothing but create, we need all the therapy we can get!!!  I’ve learned..over and over again…many of what ‘others’ might call ‘disorders’ are perfectly organized, because it IS how we see the world.   .  I once wrote…. Just because You see the sky as blue, doesn’t mean I don’t see it red…. it’s the SAME SKY!!! it’s ok that different people see it as a diff. color…it’s just perception. Without the ‘creative souls and the madness of the muse’ you can count on the fact that many coffee shops would be empty of art, radio stations would have less music, the world would still  be flat …. Look at what the “Creative Madness’ has done for the world!!! The greatest writers, artists, mathmaticians and thinkers of our time, were all touched with that Certain Kind of Madness….such a relief to k now…we’re not the ONLY ones who feel crazy..it’s simply because the majority of people see the blue sky….some of us still see it red…no one needs to convince anyone .. differently, but it’s a wonder to see the world through anothers eyes….

Now I have no idea where I was going with this, except I feel compelled, at this time of the year to bring up the ‘order of my thought’….it always puts things into perspective for someone, if not just myself.

You very likely know someone going thru some Head Over Tail Headspin….it’s actually amazing if you get to be a part of it, however it can be pretty bizarre to, if you don’t know what to expect…but the VERY THING you feel compelled to do, is often your built in therapy. I always feel compelled to draw, or create music….if I don’t do this, I will surely have let some part of my soul wither off…and that’s just not going to happen!! Every opportunity to create, has to be taken….it just does. Even if it’s indulging the muse for 5 minutes, when you FEEL her knocking, it means she’s got something for you to present to the world!