A site for my art, music, pictures, and words.

A few weeks ago, I decided I would check out some live music, in Second Life. I don’t get to do that often enough and thought I’d go listen to a performer that I hadn’t heard in quite some time. As I entered the place (name of venue, performer and others have been removed for obvious reasons)…a particular avatar said ‘Hi JueL’..as did quite a few others, as I’m far from a noob, in Second Life…

I listend to the performer on stage, someone I’ve known for quite some time, and who has come such a long way in their performance, especially when it comes to acoustic guitar.

I was completely into the groove, as usual. Then the ‘particular avatar’ that said Hi, said ‘JUEL YOU AIN”T NO ANGEL” and I almost laughed out loud. I decided not to acknowledge the comment, because I simply had no idea where it came from. There was no ‘build up’ to the comment, they just continued to say it and I continued to ignore it. Obviously they needed some attention, but it wasn’t going to be from me. Eventually I left, after the performer on stage said (again completely out of the blue) ‘SOME PEOPLE, don’t know my friend ____… he writes my music for me on my backing tracks.

BINGO.

Why would anyone take time, at their friends performance, to harass another performer, because of their originality, or because they openly raise awareness for benefits, fundraisers and such.

So to you unamed souls out there….I pity you. I have always loved a certain handful of musician and performers, artists etc…but when you harass your audience for no reason, other than you are upset because they do something you don’t…it just shows the shallowness. Changing your avatar because you…well, don’t make friends so easy..due to the fact you find it  more fun to harass…is sad…and people that support those that do these things…it’s ok, I feel really good without that in my life.

There are a small handful of people that find it more fun to draw the negative attention, public attention to themselves, rather than enjoy their experience in SL.

It’s best not to let people like that, ruin your SL experience.

I’m not into drama, which is why I don’t respond to negative comments. I don’t have the energy to get into a WHY DID YOU SAY THAT TO ME conversation…I outgrew that a long time ago. I came to hear music and that’s what I did. Most times I don’t even see the chat. I had left the computer to grab a bite to eat…and happened to see this particular boy, flapping his words around instead of listening to his ‘friend’.

I heard someone once say  ”We tend to let that one negative experience, get to us…and forget all those who love us’

TRUE!!! It’s a bit of our human nature. So instead I thought of all the things I love, all the friends who make me smile, all the moments that are unforgettable in life and before you know it, I have a big grin on my face.

I remind myself, that ONE persons perspective of me, is certainly just that. One. I remind myself that for everyone one person that is feeling challenged, simply because of their own insecurities…is certainly no way for me to judge my path, and there are 10 others who support what I do, because it resonates for them.

One lesson I’ve learned…never try to be like someone else. I learned that when I was very very young. I’ve let it guide my whole life. I’m not jelous of any musician, song writer, artist…I am in awe of them, they move my spirit, they inspire, but they do not dictate who I am, they do not define what I do. They are not ‘competitors’ to me, I do not find myself challenged to be better than someone. I find myself challenged to exceed what I expect of myself, and that is peace to me. I find it my mission to find the best words to describe the pictures in my head….and well, if one little avatar (or the coward behind it) doesn’t like it, and finds it their life mission to copy and paste conversations, or to draw negative attention to themselves….I guess I look at them as the Monkey in the cage….slinging poo because they just simply have nothing else to focus on, but the actions of others.

And now that I’ve put it on paper, and into words…it’s been eliminated from me….like any toxin…it simply turns to waste, and if you’re wise, you know exactly what to do with waste. When life gives you lemonade, you make lemons. When life gives you ‘chit’, you plant a garden.

While I still have today, I would like to somehow, someway, make you smile, or make you think. I would like it if you would take a look inside yourself, and find something that is new, unused, something you haven’t been to before. While I still have today, I would like you to stop forgetting where your flowers are planted, where your seeds have been sewed, where your smiles have harvested. While I am still alive, I would like to know where the bounty of my life has been spent, i would like to see where the path has been cut, so that the next generation can find their way, down a road less traveled.  While I still have this moment…I would like to say THANK YOU to everyone who has positively challenged me, taught me a different way, a beautiful way. I would like to say THANK YOU to those that have inspired me, taken my measure in their soul, taken my heart in their thoughts, have known me, personally…not superficially.

While I am still breathing and while my heart still beats, I would like to give gratitude to my  parents, to my sister, to my family, for always, always, always having the heart to listen, the mouth to speak, the soul to forgive. I would like to thank my husband, for all his hard work, his love, his faithfulness, his gratitude, his forgiveness and his unending love….I would like to smile in complete joy, for all the laughs we share, all the stories we mend, all the hearts we hold…he is a work of magic in and of itself.

While I am still here, still breathing, I would like to say WOW BOYS….the children I have raised and have had the joy of watching grow, have done nothing more than amaze me! For this, I am always grateful. What amazing men they have turned out to be. My friends, My SouL Sistah’s…my soulMates, my spiritual connections……Thank you…..from the absolute bottom of my soul and up, ALL the way! Thank you for the most gracious times, the most incredible moments, thank you for your remarkable stories of faith, loss and success, thank you for always being real!

It’s been an unforgettable spring so far…and it’s only a few moments away before mother nature marks the beginning of summer.  I’ve been doing some live shows in Minneapolis and spending time with some wonderful friends, that it seems I’ve known my whole life (as far as this life goes in the era of Minnesota)…This past weekend, my mother came to visit and what a fantastic time we had. It started out early Saturday morning, after our coffee it was just throw some clothes on and LETS GO!!!! So off we went to Cambridge, MN…our first stop, for the Thrifting Experience….these are important experiences!!! The “FAMILY PATHWAY” thrift store chain, does such fun and colorful displays, VERY “Shabby Chic’ which is very ‘SUZEN’ if you know me at all, you know this!!! I LOVE a good find, old treasure chests are some of my favorites, and of course, FUNNY hats and boots.  I found out I  buy things based on color, not whether or not I’ll use it, wear it or anything…I just like to lay my eyes upon pretty colors!!!

Tea-Thrift Find

So anytime I find one of these Jar’s or is it called a ‘Carafe’ I’m not sure, but they hold almost 2 quarts..which is just enough to shove in my 3 bags of green tea and 2 bags or the Roobios MMMM~! and then Mom and I are now on Highway 65, and Mom’s driving..and Of course I’m a WRECK..any time I’m not driving, it  pretty much freaks me out ( 2x in my life I’ve been hit at 70mph..so i’m a bit on edge when I’m in a car)….we were on the search for AUTHENTIC Mexican food and an hour later…(6 hours after waking up) we FINALLY come upon an amazing place I used to eat lunch at, when I worked in the Blaine Area, years ago…I was so relieved it was still there.   The rest of the time it was sitting outside around my flowers and plants, looking at the garden we are about to plant..OOOoOoO Can’t wait for that!!!

I missed seeing my sister and dad…but it’s always an experience, to have my Mom time, with the woman who brought me into this world….and is FAR BEYOND a mother to me, she is a soul mate, she is a sister, she is something beyond this life, something that has known me before she herself ever came into this world, by her mother……but that’s a topic for another day.

I received the letter I wrote to Father Mike…I haven’t read it yet. I thought it was 6 pages, it’s actually 9. I can’t believe anyone would even sit down and ready NINE pages…but I was 23 years old and just sooooo desperately needed to pour my soul out to someone… see previous post about Father Mike.

….Moving along to Photos..which is why I even started this in the first place……

If you are interested in any of them, please let me know….they are all 8×10 photos!

When I was in 5th grade, my family moved from Upper Michigan where I attended a public school, to Wisconsin, where I was then placed into a Catholic School. This was especially difficult, considering it was half way thru my 5th grade year and it was quite a challenge to fit in and make friends. I remember clearly making a choice, not to fit in, but just to be who I was…this of course was not so acceptable by some of my classmates, considering I was new and quite small compared to everyone else, I was the perfect target for their insecurities etc….so of course, I got teased quite a bit.  -ENTER-Father Mike-….who was my confidant, the one person I could go to with Anything at Anytime. He was in many ways…my best friend.  My family was also very close to Father Mike as he was so warm hearted and personable…I don’t know who would have ever NOT liked him.

Of course once I finished 5th -8th grade, it was time for high school, and my talks with Father Mike were over and life went on, as any teenager will tell you, we move on to other things, new things, and a PUBLIC school. This wasn’t easier at all, but it was certainly better than the catholic school I had previously attended. I loved the freedom of being able to wear what I wanted to wear, but the bitterness of some of my former classmates, seemed to follow me straight thru my freshman  year. No big deal…people get insecure and need someone or something to take it out on, apparently it was me…..but I wasn’t that unique…most of these people picked on everyone…they were just scared that they weren’t getting enough attention, so this was a good way for them to get noticed….pick on someone. haaaa .. well life goes on and thankfully those years went by quick and I graduated and moved on in my life, making sure I stayed true to myself in all the possible ways I could. I found much peace in my writing, or my music…that has always been my savior thru my whole life, and still is.

In about 1992….I had hit some pretty hard times in my life. In fact I would say I was all but broken in half. My Soul was tired, my heart was in some serious thrashes of right and wrong and u p and down. I was living in Minneapolis and I remember sitting on the hardwood floor of my apartment, and I just HAD TO WRITE it out…there was SO much crap inside of me, that I had to let it out to someone. I started to write:

Dear Father Mike,

It’s me….

and the letter went on. I hadn’t spoken to Father Mike since I entered 9th grade.  Of course I would see him at Church gatherings with my family and we talked in passing.  But this letter was just one of those letters, that had to be written, and I knew one person, I could tell ANYTHING to and Never be judged. I wrote it…I probably wrote 6 pages of pain. I just wanted someone to listen, I guess.  I never heard a reply from Father Mike…and despite all the things I’ve forgotten over the years, and experiences I’ve had since that letter, I never forgot it and I always wondered if he received it.

My mom called me the other day, telling me how her good friend (who was Father Mikes right hand soulmate) was going thru his things, and came upon a letter, tucked away in a shoe box with other things that he had obviously had for a long time. She read the first line and then looked at the last page, to see who had written it…..then she called my mom….

How Ironic. This just has not left my mind. I’m stunned that he had this kept away in a shoe box. I”m amazed that after almost 20 years, this letter, that I never forgot about…as my mom says “Well Sooz, while she was going thru Father Mikes stuff, she found a letter….’  That was ALL my mom had to say. I said “WOW!!!! i only wrote to Father Mike once. I never wrote again. That letter was so full of everything that was inside me, that I would go to my grave knowing full well what I wrote and always wondering who had that letter, did he get it? Who did? …..  It’s almost magical to me, that out of ALL the people in this world that knew Father Mike….the person closest to my mother, was the one that found it…it comes right back to me.  Ironic….

Last night I grieved him. It just really hit me, what a loss it is, for such a wonderful man to die so young (he was 66) and gave SO much to everyone and took on SO many other peoples burdens that it just tore him down.  Sometimes I think when people take on the pain and issues of so many people, that they actually store it inside them…therefore the person who confesses, or discusses, or gets healed….their pain has to go somewhere….I believe Father Mike was a gift for so many…and there were more letters, from some others that were there….I’m certain he prayed for them all. I’m certain that because of the power of prayer, my life picked up instead of down…and well, that’s the way things go…life gives, life takes.

So R.I.P. dear Father Mike ….you have given me a gift that I am unable to express in such limited words.