A site for my art, music, pictures, and words.

My mom and I sat on the floor of the spare bedroom with our bare feet and some nail polish and talked while we painted each others feet. I chose Blue and Red, my right foot red, my left foot blue…and painted my mothers toe nails a deep crimson color that we both melted over. We had already had a great dinner and were preparing for bed, the day before my surgery.  The next morning, we woke up EARLY, I made a cup of coffee and then realized I can’t have anything to drink, so mom had it  instead..LUCKY her! My dad and husband had some coffee and my nervous ass headed into the car with my family and off we drove to Southdale, Fairview…Cardiac Unit….where the most amazing doctors, awaited my arrival.  I was trying not to think about it, but of course it rested on my mind, heavy…like all things that we do not understand or grasp or are unfamiliar with, it can be frightening. People were going to go Into My Body, to look at my heart.

The nurse gave me my gown and the cute little socks they give you, that you would NEVER be caught dead in, in a million years, outside of a surgical room. I looked at her with question marks in my eyes “I need to get naked?” and laughed a little laugh, ahhhhh, some of the nervous tension was coming out. I stripped down, put the gowns on. Tie it in the back, put the robe on, put the little ugly socks on and wait a few moments while various doctors came in and out to take blood from me, poke me and comfort me.  The first doc. comes in, introduces himself, asks me to say my name and birth day…they ALL did this..that way they’re NEVER taking a chance on operating on the wrong person……i mean, I wouldn’t want to wake up after surgery with a new eye, or a missing leg, haaa!  He said ” You comfortable Suzen?” I couldn’t help but laugh…’Um NO….I’m Naked….not really comforting” lmao!  He drew some blood and off he went.  My family came in and we talked a bit…and the doctor came in and talked to my family about what was about to take place….there was a chance I would have some amnesia due to the sedatives they would give me, so he went over everything,  because it was likely I wouldn’t remember much of it. I was awake for the whole procedure. When I was taken into the operating room, my doc. put on some BLUES on the Sirius radio, while a nurse injected the calming drugs into my IV…I remained quite aware of everything, with minimal pain. They put a catheter into a vein in my right leg, pushed it all the way up (yes…i could feel this and it was ODD feeling) to my heart. Once in place…they left me, while a nurse sat near by monitoring a screen (perhaps she was tweeting?) and then the funky part started. My heart began to pound, they also had injected adrenaline into me, so cause my heart to race…this is how they can find the part of my heart that is firing off rapidly, causing the 300 or more beats per minute, that I had been experiencing off and on, most all my life. This hurt slightly, sometimes a bit of a sharp pain. Then it would stop, then it would race, and they did this for a bit, at 3 second intervals. After about 45 min..the found it…..20 min later I was finished. I heard GOT IT, coming from the back of the room, and my doc. came up with a big smile. “We got it Suzen, the surgery was successful!!!”

Before my family could finish their lunch, their pager rang with the nurse telling them, I was finished and they could come and see me shortly.  The rest is a bit of a blur, and I was required to lay still and NOT move my leg for the next 4 hours….after that, they had me walk and checked the area where they had gone in several times, all was clear…

Now it’s been a few days…and it’s different than I expected. It’s something I’ve had about 30 years, and I find myself in awe, that my heart no longer flutters or runs off in it’s little marathon. I keep doing things cautiously, like I have been…because I’ve always been careful not to ‘Trigger’ this rapid heart beat, for fear it wouldn’t stop, for fear of having to go to ER again, or fear of passing out. All those hot showers that triggered it, or hot days, or jumping up and down…all these things I’ve not done for YEARS, I can do…and still find myself tip toeing around these things…..I guess it hasn’t sunk in yet, that it’s gone, and perhaps there is a part of me that feels it’ll come back, because it always has…it’s always been there.  I guess it would be like…if you had a finger you never needed, and it caused you to often jumble things, or maybe cause injury because this extra thing….got in the way…and after MOST ALL YOUR LIFE, it’s gone…you are no longer in danger….(not that an extra finger would be dangerous..but try to imagine my analogy lol)….it takes some getting used to…not having, what you’ve always had, even if what you had, was not good for you.

I just wanted to update you all from the last post….My heart is fixed. My life is different. I’m excited about this and every day, I laugh when I’m in the shower…because I can have it as HOT AS I WANT, and I play my guitar and take Deep Breathe’s and don’t feel the Skip Skip anymore, and I stand up and sit down Really fast…because Now I can. I laugh a little louder and run a little faster, because now I can. All these things that seem so every day for everyone…are so new to me….and I didn’t know really…what I was missing, or that I was even missing anything. Now that these new freedoms present themselves, life is a bit easier…not so much worry, not so much stress…and to think…I once thought it was all normal…and realize now, THIS..is what it should have always been!

Another Big Shout out for all of your support these past weeks….it’s what carry’s me through. I am fortunate to have such great support in my life, in so many aspects of it.