A site for my art, music, pictures, and words.

Now I’m used to Juju running around the house, searching for the hairbrush we hide, just cuz she loves to find it and run off with it….then she drinks a bit of soy milk and sometimes shares my coffee, if there is cream in it….then she’s off to find things to get into, curious creatures that they are.

It’s been an unforgettable spring so far…and it’s only a few moments away before mother nature marks the beginning of summer.  I’ve been doing some live shows in Minneapolis and spending time with some wonderful friends, that it seems I’ve known my whole life (as far as this life goes in the era of Minnesota)…This past weekend, my mother came to visit and what a fantastic time we had. It started out early Saturday morning, after our coffee it was just throw some clothes on and LETS GO!!!! So off we went to Cambridge, MN…our first stop, for the Thrifting Experience….these are important experiences!!! The “FAMILY PATHWAY” thrift store chain, does such fun and colorful displays, VERY “Shabby Chic’ which is very ‘SUZEN’ if you know me at all, you know this!!! I LOVE a good find, old treasure chests are some of my favorites, and of course, FUNNY hats and boots.  I found out I  buy things based on color, not whether or not I’ll use it, wear it or anything…I just like to lay my eyes upon pretty colors!!!

Tea-Thrift Find

So anytime I find one of these Jar’s or is it called a ‘Carafe’ I’m not sure, but they hold almost 2 quarts..which is just enough to shove in my 3 bags of green tea and 2 bags or the Roobios MMMM~! and then Mom and I are now on Highway 65, and Mom’s driving..and Of course I’m a WRECK..any time I’m not driving, it  pretty much freaks me out ( 2x in my life I’ve been hit at 70mph..so i’m a bit on edge when I’m in a car)….we were on the search for AUTHENTIC Mexican food and an hour later…(6 hours after waking up) we FINALLY come upon an amazing place I used to eat lunch at, when I worked in the Blaine Area, years ago…I was so relieved it was still there.   The rest of the time it was sitting outside around my flowers and plants, looking at the garden we are about to plant..OOOoOoO Can’t wait for that!!!

I missed seeing my sister and dad…but it’s always an experience, to have my Mom time, with the woman who brought me into this world….and is FAR BEYOND a mother to me, she is a soul mate, she is a sister, she is something beyond this life, something that has known me before she herself ever came into this world, by her mother……but that’s a topic for another day.

I received the letter I wrote to Father Mike…I haven’t read it yet. I thought it was 6 pages, it’s actually 9. I can’t believe anyone would even sit down and ready NINE pages…but I was 23 years old and just sooooo desperately needed to pour my soul out to someone… see previous post about Father Mike.

….Moving along to Photos..which is why I even started this in the first place……

If you are interested in any of them, please let me know….they are all 8×10 photos!

When I was in 5th grade, my family moved from Upper Michigan where I attended a public school, to Wisconsin, where I was then placed into a Catholic School. This was especially difficult, considering it was half way thru my 5th grade year and it was quite a challenge to fit in and make friends. I remember clearly making a choice, not to fit in, but just to be who I was…this of course was not so acceptable by some of my classmates, considering I was new and quite small compared to everyone else, I was the perfect target for their insecurities etc….so of course, I got teased quite a bit.  -ENTER-Father Mike-….who was my confidant, the one person I could go to with Anything at Anytime. He was in many ways…my best friend.  My family was also very close to Father Mike as he was so warm hearted and personable…I don’t know who would have ever NOT liked him.

Of course once I finished 5th -8th grade, it was time for high school, and my talks with Father Mike were over and life went on, as any teenager will tell you, we move on to other things, new things, and a PUBLIC school. This wasn’t easier at all, but it was certainly better than the catholic school I had previously attended. I loved the freedom of being able to wear what I wanted to wear, but the bitterness of some of my former classmates, seemed to follow me straight thru my freshman  year. No big deal…people get insecure and need someone or something to take it out on, apparently it was me…..but I wasn’t that unique…most of these people picked on everyone…they were just scared that they weren’t getting enough attention, so this was a good way for them to get noticed….pick on someone. haaaa .. well life goes on and thankfully those years went by quick and I graduated and moved on in my life, making sure I stayed true to myself in all the possible ways I could. I found much peace in my writing, or my music…that has always been my savior thru my whole life, and still is.

In about 1992….I had hit some pretty hard times in my life. In fact I would say I was all but broken in half. My Soul was tired, my heart was in some serious thrashes of right and wrong and u p and down. I was living in Minneapolis and I remember sitting on the hardwood floor of my apartment, and I just HAD TO WRITE it out…there was SO much crap inside of me, that I had to let it out to someone. I started to write:

Dear Father Mike,

It’s me….

and the letter went on. I hadn’t spoken to Father Mike since I entered 9th grade.  Of course I would see him at Church gatherings with my family and we talked in passing.  But this letter was just one of those letters, that had to be written, and I knew one person, I could tell ANYTHING to and Never be judged. I wrote it…I probably wrote 6 pages of pain. I just wanted someone to listen, I guess.  I never heard a reply from Father Mike…and despite all the things I’ve forgotten over the years, and experiences I’ve had since that letter, I never forgot it and I always wondered if he received it.

My mom called me the other day, telling me how her good friend (who was Father Mikes right hand soulmate) was going thru his things, and came upon a letter, tucked away in a shoe box with other things that he had obviously had for a long time. She read the first line and then looked at the last page, to see who had written it…..then she called my mom….

How Ironic. This just has not left my mind. I’m stunned that he had this kept away in a shoe box. I”m amazed that after almost 20 years, this letter, that I never forgot about…as my mom says “Well Sooz, while she was going thru Father Mikes stuff, she found a letter….’  That was ALL my mom had to say. I said “WOW!!!! i only wrote to Father Mike once. I never wrote again. That letter was so full of everything that was inside me, that I would go to my grave knowing full well what I wrote and always wondering who had that letter, did he get it? Who did? …..  It’s almost magical to me, that out of ALL the people in this world that knew Father Mike….the person closest to my mother, was the one that found it…it comes right back to me.  Ironic….

Last night I grieved him. It just really hit me, what a loss it is, for such a wonderful man to die so young (he was 66) and gave SO much to everyone and took on SO many other peoples burdens that it just tore him down.  Sometimes I think when people take on the pain and issues of so many people, that they actually store it inside them…therefore the person who confesses, or discusses, or gets healed….their pain has to go somewhere….I believe Father Mike was a gift for so many…and there were more letters, from some others that were there….I’m certain he prayed for them all. I’m certain that because of the power of prayer, my life picked up instead of down…and well, that’s the way things go…life gives, life takes.

So R.I.P. dear Father Mike ….you have given me a gift that I am unable to express in such limited words.