Some of you know, a bit of the slice of pie, I’ve been dealt, most of you don’t.  I’ve put off the finishing of “RoadMap” for just a bit, as life has thrown me down the stairs  for a bit of a tumble and DAMN that really pushed everything I wanted to accomplish, back a bit.  I will never say I’m cursed, but sometimes…I’d like to feel sorry for myself, but who has time for that!!!  Meanwhile My guitar has been kinda collecting dust, so has the canvas, and the brushes are dried out.  Having had a bit of a fever for the past few weeks, nothing serious, Fibromyalgia…a silent and invisible ghost, seems to have gripped me in it’s hands. Thought I had a flu, but I wasn’t sick. I just hurt like HELL.  This is often brought on by stress, and I think..WHAT STRESS??????? Well, it doesn’t necessarily have to be Negative stress, it’s just a change in surroundings, excessive worry, trying too hard, pushing too hard, riding the whirlwind of random spins of bipolar-Mania, some pretty deep depressions, etc…. It’s not something I care to talk about with just anyone, there are a few…that have an idea of what this is all about.  Some of you deal with these things too, and it’s truly a hard struggle to get through, but it does pass. The fever broke last night, and I was ELATED at how good I suddenly felt.  Fibro can cause some major depression, one…because it HURTS to be touched, it hurts to touch anything also, my whole body feels like it’s on fire, yet I just can’t get warm enough. I couldn’t sleep, focus, or do anything that I wanted to do…just kind of lost interest.

But…I think I’m back on track again….and the strange thing is…I feel empty. Like I can’t create what I want to create. My hands feel the invisible, ghostly need to hold onto something and create something amazing…but I don’t know what it is. It has not presented itself, or maybe I’m looking too hard.  I was fortunate to be given a song, by the great Web of Life that falls from time to time, on my mind. It’s called “Hangin’ for the Ride’..it just might be the perfect closing song for RoadMap…Since the cd will be about 15 yrs worth of songwriting, stories and more.

I am grateful for you, my friends, the ones I’ve been able to spill my pain on, thank you for listening. I’m not one to feel sorry for myself, but I do stumble a bit, and sometimes I fall pretty hard, but there is no use in sitting in it. It won’t leave on it’s own, I pretty much have to force my soul out of it, turn my thinking around, if that is possible, or just ‘ride it out’, because it’s not always up to me, or I wouldn’t ever fall, I’d fly.  So now, I’m going to stand on that edge again, and I hope my wings work, because I’m about to take off, wherever the wind blows me…that’s how I roll, of course, I take a mental GPS with me, because ya’ll know it doesn’t take much for me to lose direction sometimes, getting distracted by all the pretty colors and sounds that surround me, it’s like walking into a SUPERSTORE to buy toothpaste, but OH WOW those pretty boxes of whatever, and those bright yellow things, and OMG look at those LONG STRINGS….and I walk out with a whole cart of crap, when I only went for toothpaste. That’s the distraction, the loss of focus, that our ‘gifts’ can bring us…and of course what life sometimes throws right at our windshield while we’re drivin 200MPH down the FREE way of thought and projects, which never seem to complete themselves….The Odd Curse of the Artist, never being content with what we create, always wanting better. A friend once told me, to just DO IT. I’ve probably said that before, but it’s true…JUST DO IT, quit picking it apart, and figuring it out..it just IS. So this weekend and the following days, will be dedicated to finishing, for now, I am focused.

I’m writing this, mainly because I promised myself I would Maintain this website and blog at LEAST once or twice a week, and like I said, sometimes you just gotta DO IT. Sitting around and waiting for it to happen on it’s own, won’t happen. And we do all we can to finish what we start, but again….some  things are not in our control. Sometimes we just can’t…but that’s only temporary.  My family and friends have been quite supportive, and again, thank you. I  fell, and it hurt. Thanks for the shoulders and hands and love and support and KICKS in the butt! I needed that!

Take care and I hope you are all enjoying the love around you, and creating some for yourself as well. Be inspiring! SMOOCH!